At least it wasn’t Freudian…

2004, May 18    

I had the strangest dream last night.

I often have vivid dreams but most of them are just a compilation of tangents on things that have happened to me in the last fortnight and they rarely invoke any feelings or stick in my memory too well. I was at home, but it was also connected to my workplace offices, both of which are fairly friendly environments for me, but it definitely felt more like my place, and it was about 2am, so no one else should have been there. I was chatting with a new staff member who was a conglomeration of several different people, trying to get to know him (since I hadn't met him before). After a short while my parents (who own the business I work in) walk in, which is pretty bizarre given it was 2am and they didn't have keys to my apartment, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected, since I was suppose to have dinner with them last night, which didn’t end up happening. I had a quick chat with them, and they conspiratorially told me (out of earshot of the guy I was previously talking to) that due to business logistics we'd all be relocating to San Francisco for 4-6 years. At this point most of the rest of the dream dropped away and I found myself contemplating the change. I really liked the idea, though there would have been a few downsides attached, though nothing I felt was insurmountable, since it wasn't a permanent change. Most attractive of all was just the opportunity to make a fresh start and discover new things. I thought of all the things I could transplant from my life here to there without all the baggage that so often goes with things. On reflection, this was all a pleasant fiction, since avoiding things rather than dealing with them never fixes anything.

I know what sparked off this dream; my brother recently was offered a post in Canada for two years as part of our company, though due to various reasons it didn't come about. His leaving would have impacted on my life a bit, since I generally lunch with him, and we share costs in regards to Kungfu and Tai-Chi training which is our only real common interest. The thing that got me to thinking was that I've had a couple of vivid dreams in the last six months, and they've always been associated with me doing something unproductive, lazy, or self-destructive, or any other thing that I have removed from my life in the last year. Normally I wake up a bit groggy and thing, "Urgh, thank god I don't do that anymore", but this time I woke up and with a certain amount of genuine puzzlement thought, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?". By itself the thought was vaguely comical, so at the least it got me a good start to the day, but I'm still trying to work out exactly what it all means. I don't really believe in dreams having too much in the way of hidden meanings, or great insights, but like headaches, they are caused and composed by tangible things and I can always tell the difference between whether my mind having a diagnostic dream or merely going on safari for a few hours to entertain itself. I think it has something to do with having had a very static social circle recently, since I’m definitely feeling the need to branch out a bit. Eh. I think I’ll shelve it for later contemplation.